A look back at old journal confessions. Sometimes, I picked the first sentence of an entry. Sometimes, I didn’t. Sometimes, all I could find was a song lyric.
1994: I scratch my head while I wonder how I feel about my life.
1995: My heart had just stopped breaking and now it feels like someone stole a piece from it.
1996: I just cannot figure it out.
1997: Days are flying by.
1998: I wish I weighed 10 pounds less.
1999: Now it’s just me.
2000: Paul’s dog was at work and pulled a tampon out of my bag in front of him and Julien.
2001: I cried tonight. Deep heavy sighs.
2002: No spark or chemistry, but man is he hot.
2003: Found a great apartment with a rooftop deck.
2004: God damn I was pathetic pre Prozac.
2006 to 2007: Please reference my memoir. It’s all in there. More than you could ever possibly want to know.
2008: I AM SO MAD. I am mad about being mad.
2009: I am happy. I have not been this happy in as long as I can remember. I’m jumping out of my skin.
2010: You don’t know that I wear bloomers to bed.
2011: Because hope springs eternal.
And a stream of thoughts from 2012:
I miss how I used to be. [5/7/2013: Hey self -- REALLY?]
It’s up to me to find pleasure in the process. (Hardest thing I’ve ever done.)
I wish I had control over my hips.
I am peaceful and I am ferocious.