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Sh*t Justin Halpern Says. About Dating.

That guy Justin Halpern, who did the Sh*t My Dad Says twitter feed (turned best-selling book turned TV show), just published a collection of essays about dating. The book is called I Suck at Girls. As you can imagine, it’s about how he sucks at girls (and dating). You should read it because it is hilarious. You should also go see him next Wednesday, June 6 at Sixth & I Historic Synagogue in DC where he will talk about the book, dating and probably some sh*t about his dad.

WIN 2 TICKETS + 1 COPY OF THE BOOK. Just be the first person to email me at rachel@rachelmachacek.com.

I got to ask him all about girls and his new tome in advance of this appearance, and I approve of the dating advice dispensed below. For more info on tickets to the event, scroll down.

RACHEL: Why were you so clueless about women/dating?
JUSTIN: Well, for one, I was terrified of making a fool of myself. It’s really hard to be good at something when you’re convinced you’re going to fail before you even start. Also, most of my information, I got from 80s movies. Not a great resource.

RM: That depends on the movie. I always thought guys could learn a lot from Kelly LeBrock in Weird Science. No matter. What’s your earliest memory of sucking with girls? Did things change in high school or college or as an adult (for better or worse)?
JH: I wanted to impress a girl in my elementary school so I drew a picture of a dog pooping on her head because I thought she’d think it was funny. She did not. I was sent to the principal’s office. I got a little better in high school and college, but I was really shy. Some people thought I didn’t speak English because of how little I spoke.

RM: Ha! That totally reminds me of standing at the bus stop when I was five years old and having this kid Liam chase me around with a branch that he’d dipped in dog poop. My mom told me he liked me but didn’t know how to show it. I love that dog poop is a universal prop for showing affection. Despite the canine fecal emoting, clearly you did something right – you got married last year. What changed and when? Was there a moment you knew that this was it?
JH: I think I finally became okay with being alone, and when that happened, I didn’t operate from a place of fear. I was much more confident, and to be honest, my wife is uber confident and didn’t put up with any of my neurotic bullshit.

RM: What was the best advice your dad (or mom) ever gave you about dating and/or women?
JH: My dad told me to never listen to anyone who ever gave me advice on women. He said each woman is different, and when you try and generalize three billion people, you’re being an f-ing idiot. I think that helped me try and take each relationship on a case-by-case basis.

RM: Your dad is pretty f-ing brilliant. Speaking of which, Sh*t My Dad Says is all your dad. I Suck At Girls is all you. How does it feel to lay bare your private life?
JH: It’s fine until I do book readings in front of people. Then it’s embarrassing. I mean, my dad is still very present in this book, so I get to hide behind him a bit still.

RM: That is, indeed, the rub with writing about your dating life – all that vulnerability. Everybody knows your sh*t. Why was writing about girls/dating the next logical step for you?
JH: I’m not sure if it’s logical. We shall see. I just wanted to write something that I felt compelled to write. I didn’t want to force an idea, and this seemed to come naturally. If I came out with “MORE SHIT MY DAD SAYS” I would have wanted to punch myself in the face.

RM: Speaking of self flagellation, I hear from a lot of people who tend to beat their heads against a wall because they are mystified/perplexed/driven to madness by the opposite sex. If men and women could do one thing different to make dating easier what would it be?
JH: I think for me, it would be to at least try and believe that I was worthy of being dated. I like people that are self-deprecating, but I was so much so that it probably just made women feel like they were dating a total loser. No one wants to feel like that.

RM: Truth. If you could go back and talk some sense into your younger dating self, what would you tell you?
JH: Think about what you have to offer someone in a relationship, and believe that it’s worth something. Even if it isn’t. Basically I’m saying I would tell myself “LIE TO YOURSELF, MORE.”

Amen Justin. A-men.

You can see Justin at Sixth & I next Wednesday, June 6 at 7pm. $10 for 1 ticket; $17 for 1 book + 1 ticket; $22 for 1 book + 2 tickets. Buy tix here.

{ 21 comments… add one }

  • MJ

    Nice! I will have to purchase. (I will basically try anything you tell me to at least once, Rachel.) Once again, I cannot make the event though. Boo! Sounds like it will be hilarious.

  • I didn’t know i had so much influence. I will have to take this into account with future posts!

  • ashby

    Any chance you’d put out “MORE SHIT MY DAD SAYS” now (without wanting to punch yourself in the face) ?

  • That would be like me writing another book about dating. Again. Definitely some face punching!

  • Wonderful interview! You guys should date. No, um…maybe not. I don’t know what’s worse: Getting all of your dating tips from 80s movies or, in my case, LIVING those dating tips throughout the 1980s with acne and Jackson Browne hair, as I did.

  • 80s + Jackson Browne = amazing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNTb5sBvJPY

  • SP

    Fun interview! The new book sounds like a perfect gift for my younger brother …he is not alone!

  • I imagine there are more of your brother and Justin out there than the opposite. He should get my book, too. Dispels any belief that girls know what they are doing. :)

  • eee

    Depends on which 80s movies you’re copping from. Duckie in Pretty in Pink? Ronald in Can’t Buy Me Love? Maverick in Top Gun? So much bad advice to pick from back then.

  • DUCKIE. He was 10 years too young.

  • Ally

    I’d be meek, too, if I’d grown up with that pappy (awesome in his wisdom though he may be). I could probably Google this, but has Halpern ever been in therapy? Genuine, snark-free question.

  • Twitter = therapy. Right??

  • Heather

    Love this! And thank you for the Father’s Day gift idea!

  • kc

    Sound advice in most social experiences.

  • Pia

    I almost peed my pants laughing about the dog poop bit – so true! Poop is always funny.


  • Lindsay

    Looking forward to seeing Justin speak this week, and if you say the book is hilarious it must be true!

  • I can’t make the talk so you’ll have to let me know!

  • Jeanne

    Great dialogue. Looks like if you are recommending, it is a must read!

  • Just wanted to say I ordered your book from Amazon and it arrived today! I’m excited to devour it :)

  • yay! happy reading and of course, i hope you like it!

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