So you went out with a guy. It was a good date. Maybe even great. It’s time for a second date. You have a little trouble nailing it down because hey, you’re both busy, important people. But you set a date. And then he cancels. That night. “Work is busy.” Fine. Now you’re having trouble rescheduling. It’s not happening. He’s still busy.
Fine. You get it. He’s just not that into you.
But then. Then he keeps texting. Not to set a date. Just to say hi, see what’s up, maybe wondering what color underwear you have on. Is he testing the waters? You respond back. You let him know you’re still interested. But nope. Nothing. No dates. Just texts. Of the Malaysian pen pal variety (read: you will never, ever see each other). Day after day. You’re mildly amused. And then irritated. Then confused. But you have nothing else going on, so…
Sound familiar? Wondering what it all means?
To be frank, I have no fucking clue. And I just can’t be bothered with analyzing the why of it all, because I find that sometimes with dudes, it just is. And I don’t understand that because in Lady Land, there is always a reason and ulterior motive.
But since one of you lovely readers emailed me and asked “WTF?” (Specifically: “Do some men just have a really difficult time making up their minds?! Do they even THINK at all? Or just act? I don’t get it…”), I will give you my best guest as to why he’s still texting. Hold please, while I turn off the emotional reasoning side of my brain, because when it comes to dating, sometimes it’s just business.
Guys like to have an option or two in their back pocket. I call them Back Pocket Girls (BPG). I’ve been one. A couple of times. He wants to have someone around just in case, but he’s just not into making the date or, in general, committing to anything more than short bursts of brain circuitry that can be fit into 200 characters or less (or however long text messages are allowed to be these days on phones.)
If you find yourself in this situation, I would worry less about what he’s thinking and ask yourself if you’re down with his cellular advances that, most likely, won’t go anywhere. (Sorry. Like I said. I’ve been the BPG. I’ve seen what happens.) It’s OK if you also want to have someone in your back pocket. Sometimes it’s interesting … until it’s not. Buuuuut if you want something more, you have a couple choices:
1. Call him on it. Tell him if he wants to make a plan, fine, but none of this texting business. You’re not besties. F that.
2. Block his number and move on to someone who likes to talk. In person. On a date. Like an adult.
Boom. Just like that.